Just some thoughts

Have you ever had such a day where you feel like giving it all up? I mean everything. Just give up? It seems to me that it might be possible that we all have felt that way one time or another -- but why? Is it because life is just too hard and demanding sometimes, or does it have to do with the fact that life doesn't always goes as planned? Does our suffering come from the fact that life is just too difficult and painful, or does it come from the fact that we fail to accept that life is too difficult and painful? 

I know we have all asked the question what is our purpose on this earth. What is the meaning of this earthly life we live. After all, none of us chose to be here, yet here we are;  and as we find ourselves at this moment breathing and doing and thinking and wondering, we sometimes get so lost in our daily activities that this whole meaning and purpose thing gets lost. Day after day we awake with a new day doing pretty much the same thing as the day before: Get up, get ready, pray, or read or exercise or rush off to whatever it is we are going to do for the day. And little thought goes into what our real purpose is; if there is one. But what if there isn't? Ever think about that dark thought? Ever think that this whole earthly life is just one big joke? I mean, how ludicrous can our life really be? I mean, is our purpose really about finding the right mate; finding the right career; raising a family; buying that house in the nice neighborhood; having a savings account; having a little fun etc? Some philosophers believe that life is either a tragedy or a comedy, while others say its about finding God or meditation. But all this finding, seeking and pursuing, is just getting me exhausted and a bit confused. The average life span is around 80 years, and I have just turned 30 so I have only 50 years left-maybe. Do I really have that kind of time to go seeking after things that may or may not be my purpose in life? Or am I just afraid to try? I want to enjoy my life, but what does that really mean? Is it all just a matter of attitude or a matter of works? 

Maybe I'm just tired, or maybe I'm just giving up. Giving up all the bullshit we call life. I'm tired of trying to live up to some unwritten standard of what we think life ought to be. I'm tired of doing the same thing over and over again and for what? SO I can have stuff? SO I can do stuff? So I can feel good about my ego and have approval from the world? Yet, I still do it. WHY? How does one break free from conforming to a system that doesn't work? How does one swim against the current and not get swept away? 

Sometimes I think we have self-help books to help us cope with all this bullshit. They tell us to be grateful because then we start to feel good about our lives. I think religious systems tell us there is hope because there is a better place called heaven. But what I don't understand is why go through all the bullshit first before getting to this wonderful place? Why suffer so much now in order to be in this perfect wonderful place? In other words, what is the purpose of this earthly life? What is the purpose of having a job, and raising a family and giving a portion to charity? Why do anything? 

So what if there isn't a purpose here? Now what? 

Something Significant

Its been awhile since I blogged. Been busy with work. I love working full time. I love raising my family; so no time for blogging. I am on spring break so I have a little time on my hands. Not much to write about, or I should say not enough time to write about all the wonderful things that I have been through the last few months. 

I just feel very grateful for the life God has given me. I have seen so much growth in myself, yet at the same time realizing how much more I need to grow. But little by little, I trust God a little more than before. I am so grateful that God doesn't get too frustrated with me and my lack of faith and trust, but is patient with me. Sometimes I think I am the one who gets impatient with myself, and that is why I get myself into trouble. But thank God He knows how to dig me out of deep holes and make good things come out of bad. 

I'm enjoying my new ordinary life. It isn't anything significant, but then again.... 

Message for Tadd

For some reason I can't get into your blog... my e-mail address is rdljohnson_jf@hotmail.com Would love to hear from you brother.