Can I Have A Hug Please?

I am a substitute teacher and even though I haven't been doing it long, I sometimes just can't believe what I hear and what I see. Today for example I got to substitute in a first grade class. The morning was going pretty smooth, and since it was going pretty smooth I had some extra time to spare. So I got the class sitting around me on the floor asking them questions about themselves so that I could get to know them better. As usual the kids were excited and started to blurb out all at once. So I had them raise their hands in order to have them talk one person at a time. Then I came to Shannon. She was a bubbly bright native american girl. When I called her name, she sunk a little and her voice became a little soft. "My daddy died," she said softly. "He was drunk, and he got hurt and died, and now my uncle is in jail and I have a different mommy now. She is white and has blue eyes," as she widens and points to her brown eyes. When I heard that my heart sank, "I'm so sorry to hear that Shannon." She smiled. As the day progressed Shannon came to me and again with her soft voice asked me, "Can I have a hug please?" I looked at her brown eyes and said, "Of course you can!" and I gave her the biggest hug I could. I knew that it was against the rules to hug a student, but I knew she really needed it. She left my embrace and continued her work. I smiled. Somehow I needed that hug just as much as she did.

When I left home I was still thinking about Shannon and how much she already had to endure. Life was already asking too much from this 6 year old, but from what I can tell by her face, she didn't seem to mind. Maybe she is too innocent to realize just how horrible her situation really is... or maybe I have been so selfish and egotistical to realize that what I have been through isn't the end of the world after all. I mean here I am, alive and living. Living a life that a lot of people would die for, and someone did. When Shannon told me her story there was no hint of resentment, no hint of self-pity, there was only facts. And when she needed a hug she came and asked for it. I can't begin to tell you what a powerful lesson that was for me. Even though I came into that classroom as the teacher, I left as the student. I think I can better grasp what Jesus was saying about becoming like children in order to inherit the kingdom of God.

God is so good.

Ten Years Goes By So Fast

Today is 10 years that my husband and I have been together. Now, we have been married only five years, but we met ten years ago today. It's crazy how time flies. Ten years ago I was so lost in myself and I was merely just a naive child. We met at a bar. He was out with his friend and he was very drunk when I met him. I was still under age so I couldn't drink but I was allowed to get into the dance part of the bar so I had went with a few of my friends. I was waiting in line to get in when he was standing at the other door to the bar. Apparently I had captured his attention and so he kept trying to get mine. When I finally looked over to him he waved for me to come over and speak with him. I was shy at first. But he kept waving at me to come over. I told my friend that this guy keeps asking me to go over there, she said go see what he wants. So I did. We introduced ourselves and then since I wasn't allowed inside the actual bar we left. My friends found another way home as they wanted to give me some privacy. So we drove around a bit and ended up at a place where there were natural hot springs. We stuck our feet in and stared at the starry sky and just talked and talked. The more we talked the more I began to like him. I am embarrassed to say, but we did kiss that night. We did a lot of kissing. Looking back I should have made him wait for that, but I really did like him. :) Well, after that we became best friends, and two months after that night I got pregnant. So we moved in together and had our daughter Stacy. We struggled a lot. There were times I kicked him out, and then make up. I wanted to start a different lifestyle while he wanted to stay at our current lifestyle of drinking and drugs. Then I got pregnant again, and our son Kevin was born. So we struggled even more. There were times we couldn't pay the rent or buy food. We fought all the time. So it was time that we made some serious changes or we would end up a part and different from each other. So I started to go to church. Very shortly after he followed. A few months later he proposed to me and we got married and then we got baptized.

We have been through so much in the first four years of our relationship. But we endured and we stayed faithful. Thanks to Jesus we now have a fulfilling life together as husband and wife. We still have our arguments, but nothing like it was before. He takes me out on dates and makes me feel so good about myself as a woman. He is a great dad to the kids now. He is a great example to them. Even though we met the way we did, I don't regret a moment of it. I love him so much. He is still my best friend and no matter what happens now, I will always love him. I know that we will always get through things no matter how tough they may seem. Our love and our relationship is something I cherish, and I know he does too, and because of that we have something so special that it is worth fighting for.

Here is a video I did awhile back. Enjoy.

I'm Thirsty Anyway

"Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way." (1Peter 4:2- the message)

That's one way to think of our suffering, not suffering from physical ailments but suffering from disappointments, discouragements, and frustrations. Looking back I can definitely say that I suffered because I wanted my own way and when I didn't get it, I ended up disappointed, discouraged and frustrated. Mostly I just wanted a life that was problem free. Of course I knew that life has problems, but the way I acted, you could say that I indeed expected life to be smooth sailing. And when the storm came, I didn't trust, I got angry and disappointed. In Max Lucado's book, "Come Thirsty" he describes how our need for God comes from the desert and not the garden. Our thirst, which is really trying to live life our own way, is meant to direct us to the flowing water that only Christ can give us. When we try to live life our own way, we end up empty, frustrated, angry, and disappointed. So does that mean that if we live life God's way that life will be smooth sailing? "So if you find life difficult because you're doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust Him. He knows what he's doing, and he'll keep on doing it. If you're abused because of Christ, count yourself fortunate. It's the Spirit of God and his glory in you that brought you to the notice of others..." (1Peter 4:14,19 the message). So if life is basically hard whether we live for God or not, why should I live for God then?

I like how Max Lucado describes it: He and his wife went on a sailing voyage with some friends. His friend Milt was the captain, a real pro in sailing. The day started out real nice. Lots of sun for tanning, lazing around, and enjoyed God's creation. But then came the storm. It was a big one too. He writes, "Tanning stopped. Napping ceased. Eyes turned first to the thunderclouds, then to the captain. We looked to Milt. He was deliberate and decisive. He told some people where to sit, other what to do, and all of us to hang on. And we did what he said. Why? We knew he knew best. No one else knew the difference between starboard and stern. Only Milt did. We trusted him. We knew he knew. And we knew we didn't...." The reason we live God's way is because God knows life better than we do. He knows why sin is so bad for us, and what the consequences are. He knows the way to true and joyful life. It doesn't mean that life is going to be smooth sailing because we will suffer when we decide to turn our life to His care. Why? Because of what this says, "Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way." (1Peter 4:2- the message). It isn't easy to let go of our own way, and when we do you bet there is going to be some strain and effort. And let us not forget also that storms come into our life regardless of where we stand, only lets hope that we are standing on the rock and not on sinking sand! Sometimes life throws us a curve ball, and it is up to us on how we will respond to that. For too long I reacted, not responded. It is unfair of me to accept the good things from God and sing with joy, and then fight the bad things from God and become indifferent. Submitting to God's will is not an act of defeat, or crushing your self-esteem. Accepting the problems in your life and learning to trust God while facing them is the greatest act of faith. Sometimes we have to wait and see what the solution is, sometimes we have to take responsibility and make amends for what we did wrong, and sometimes it is beyond our control and all we can do is keep going, and keep trusting.

One of my favorite songs, "Bring On The Rain" sings about how life can be pretty hard, but you know, we don't have to let certain situations (problems) get us down, or defeat us. So I end this post with those lyrics. Really think about them when you read them.

nother day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight

A New Chapter

I am so excited about this new chapter in my life. I am meeting some new friends and I feel as though that little dying spark I had in my heart is beginning to be a flame again. I am really enjoying the new church we are going to. This past Sunday they put on a thing for the kids, called Kids 411. There was a play that was about honor, which is what the kids are learning in their classes, and it was fun as well as entertaining. After the play there were tons of games to play. Stacy got slimed which was a lot of fun. In one game the parents had to hold a cup while the kids had to fill it up with a spray bottle full of water. The kids had to stand about 4 feet from us so we got pretty soaked. In another game there was an obstacle course where the family had to place a rope between their legs and as they try and get through the obstacle course they get shot with a water gun. There was also plenty of food too. Free cotton candy, sno cones, and popcorn. And of course there was a jumper. We had the best time! I felt really good to have some family time like that.

My husband and I also joined a small group. We were pretty apprehensive about it at first. But we knew it was something we needed to do. It turns out that the small group is in the same neighborhood we are in, we can literally walk to the house. We went to our first meeting on Monday night and we felt right at home. I was just amazed at how welcoming they were to all of us who were new to group. I know that God will guide us in our time together to learn more and be more. What attracted me most was their desire to not only learn what the Bible teaches, but to go out and do it. I was impressed with their love for one another, as it was very obvious, as some of these people have been in this small group for some time. The impression I am getting is that this new church is really about promoting churches in our community. In other words, the real church meets at peoples homes where personal prayer requests and needs can be met. As well as intimate Bible study and fellowship. And then we all gather at the "temple courts" on Saturday evening or Sunday morning for spiritual teachings and communion. I did notice right away that this new church had no kitchen or fellowship hall, and now I know why. They want people to eat at homes with each other. So instead of finding kitchens and programs, you find volleyball and basketball courts and lots of ministries. Here is the website to our small group: http://parkhillsmallgroup.blogspot.com/

I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am that God is working some great things in our life. And not just in ours but in everyone's. Looking back, I now see that God has been directing my steps and leading me because He does in fact care about me and those around me.

Second Chances

It is time I let go of hurt feelings and resentments... It is time for a new way of thinking; a new way of living. So as a symbol of God erasing all my sins, I erased all my posts so that my blog is as white as snow. A clean slate to write new things in the same way God gives me clean slates in life, to write whatever I chose. I have realized that I am no teacher of the book, and I don't need to prove that to anybody. I want this blog to go in a new direction; in the same direction I am going with my spiritual walk. Good bye to the old, hello to the new! Thank God for second, second chances....

Stay tuned