Just Maybe...

I don't know why, but I am finding myself depressed, and angry. Maybe its because everywhere I turn there is so much sickness, sorrow, loss, suffering and hate. This time of year is supposed to be full of peace, joy and giving and yet I can't seem to really see it, even when its staring right at me. I just keep thinking about when will it all end? I know that suffering brings us closer to God; I know that loss makes us appreciate what we had more; I know that sorrow is neccessarry and a part of life; but hate? I don't know where that lies in the grand scheme of things. Where is the hope that is promised? Where is my faith? Its true that I haven't been doing a great job with seeking it, but it never seems enough. I never seem enough. I mean even if I was the "perfect" child then I wouldn't be in need of a savior. So maybe all this stuff I have been feeling and seeing is just a reminder of how much I need Jesus in my life. I mean, if I for one second, believed that I could attain salvation through how well I did things in my life, then what would have been the point of the cross. I guess I am saying this because I want to justify my not being a good Christian. I may attend services faithfully but I don't volunteer a lot of my time with service work. I would like to read and study my bible more often, but I just don't always have that kind of time. I would love to be more giving to the poor, more kind to my family, more knowledgeable in the scriptures, and I would love to be able to conquer all my sins! But if I could do all that, then maybe the cross wouldn't be as effective for me. Just maybe, the cross does more for me than I think it does. Just maybe, the cross will accept me just as I am right now. Just maybe, all wrongs will be made right all because of the cross and not because of what "I" have accomplished. Just maybe, the hope is in Jesus and not how well I am as a Christian! Just maybe....